What Fills Your Hole?

Are you missing something?  Do you have a hole?  A void?  What caused that void?  Maybe a death?  Someone moved?  You moved?  Job change?  It makes you want to scream!  Nobody around for miles to hear that scream!  What do you do?

The answer is different for everybody.  A move?  Maybe your void is your old friends aren’t there.  Make new ones!  How?  Volunteer at your children’s new school, a nursing facility. an animal shelter, find a church family,  Take a pie to your new neighbors.  Connect!   I’ve done some of these things to fill my hole.

Job change?   You miss your customers, your clients, your colleagues, your boss!  Ok  maybe not your boss!  They will always be part of your life and memories.  That won’t change.   Your new job is a whole nother world!  New ideas, new techniques.   Be and show the BEST YOU YOU HAVE!   It’s ok to show some your perspective and some of the ways you’ve learned.  HEY,  that’s why you were hired!   Experiences and people will fill your hole.

Death, hmmm, ok, let’s figure this one out together.  Nothing and no one can REPLACE the loss.   Every person or pet is  unique in their own way.  I had that one friend that showed me perspectives on friendship and life in general.  (Blog post:  The Best Teachers Don’t Always Teach In Classrooms.)   There will never be anyone else like her.  The Blessings I live with, (AKA, my parents), Yes, I still have them, but when I lose them that won’t just be a hole but a PIT!

Pets, you think, get a new one, simple!  Um, NO!  A new pet will help to a degree but if you’re looking that specific pitch in their whistle, a tone in their bark, the way they put their head on you and look at you with THOSE EYES!  FORGET IT!  You will find a different pitch and look.  I’m not saying don’t get a pet if you really want one, I’m saying don’t expect exacts, that won’t happen.

So, what fills your hole?  Think about it.

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What are you hiding from?

Hey! What’s the mask for?  Good question.  Are you hiding yourself?  From yourself?From what?  Your feelings?  Are you hiding from personal conflict?  I was/am.

Here’s where it gets confusing.   I was told to take my mask off.  “Let the real you SHINE!”  “Stop taking ‘guff’ from people.”   “Give attitude back!”  For me that’s been a slow process.  I’ve only recently started to “give back” in terms of speaking my mind, letting people know what was and wasn’t appreciated.   It has really been empowering!  WARNING!  I WILL BE DOING MORE OF THAT!

I hide from my own reality.  I try not to when think about my health issues although I am taking care of them.  There’s a corner of my head I retreat to.  I come back when I feel safe.  I try not to think about mortality, although I know one day I’ll have to.  Can’t “do” you right now. Gotta “do” me.

I’ve learned that I’ve been at war with MYSELF!  “Did I say that right?”  “Did I do this right?”  “Could I have done that better, if so how?”  ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!  “STOP THINKING ADE!”  “NOTHING IS WORTH THIS MUCH STRESS!”

I use humor as a mask and an escape.  I use it to maintain my sanity.  If I didn’t, I might be somewhere I don’t like right now.  I’m frustrated as much as anybody.  I can’t help my feelings.

Yes I hide.  Do you, if so what from?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humanity

I recently tried to do a favor for a friend.  Her service dog was killed by a vicious pit bull.  Wanting to help her with obtaining another one, I joined a Facebook group that specializes in service animals.  One question they asked in order to join was what reason do you have for wanting to join the group?  I said I’m doing a favor for a friend.   I got accepted.  I asked for resources to get help with vet bills and to get another dog.  The one that was killed started as a pet and got training.  I read ALL 38 RULES and saw NOTHING that said that I couldn’t do what I was doing.  So, I asked for the needed help.  My request was deleted and I was told to read the rules again.  I did.  Nothing indicated that I had broken the rules.  After I posted that the dog had died, I was attacked by other members.  I left the group so they wouldn’t have the satisfaction of banning me!  So begs the question….

WHAT HAPPENED TO HUMANITY?  The act of being HUMAN!  When Ellen DeGeneres received a humanitarian award, she said, “It seems silly to receive an award for being nice and kind and generous.  I mean that’s kind of the point of being human.”  Aren’t we supposed to be there for each other?  That what I thought.  Am I wrong?  I hope not!  When someone I care about has a problem or a crisis, I will do everything I can to help you, to support you.  It breaks my heart that I was treated like this.   It fills me up to help people and make their lives better.   The reward for doing it is doing it!  The best way to uplift yourself is to uplift others!

So, what happened?  When did the rules change?  We used to have each others backs.  Now, we only look out for No. 1.   Where I live, if we see your livestock on the road, we will shoe them back onto your property and help you fix your fence.   We share extra bounty from our crops.   No one has to ask for the help, we know, we’re there.  We didn’t change the rules.  Who did?  You?   Instead of “All for one and one for all” it’s “One for One and One for One”?

How do we get back to humanity?  Step outside, meet and greet your neighbors.  Smile, show some warmth.  It will catch on.  I promise!

 

 

Sisters

Today I want to talk about someone who was always there.  Yea, I was blessed with wonderful loving parents but there was always this one person only 18 months older than me so she understood.  My older sister Andrea.  When I complained about bullies to my parents, they would go through channels to try and get resolution.  Andrea went to the source and GOT resolution!

Boys!  Who doesn’t think they’re older same-sex sibling knew everything about the opposite sex!?  Andrea and I spent many hours in a corner of a room having private conversations about boys and puberty in general.  She gave me gentle advice.  She kept my confidences unless she felt I was in danger or getting there.

Both my sisters and I did things as kids.  Jam sessions with every instrument in the house.  During these our parents would go for LONG walks.  My parents were big into learning and teaching first-aid.  We practiced on each other.  We never had science kits.  we learned with what our parents felt safe letting us use.  Dad built me a special tandem bicycle.  We tied my wheelchair to it. Andrea and I rode the bike, Annette rode in the wheelchair. We went everywhere!  Especially Dairy Queen and the park to watch little league baseball.

One of my favorite memories is, the summer before I entered high school, she took me to the mall.  We shopped and did other “girl things”.  We ate lunch in the food court.  She told me how to navigate high school.  Best boy talk ever!  Private sorry.  High school:  Don’t buy tickets to the pep rally.  Ninja’s will NOT drop out of elevator ceilings to beat up students that aren’t supposed to ride them!

One weekend she came home from college and we went out again.  We stopped at a car wash, she opened the ceiling so we could watch it.  The plexi glass door was also open.  We SCRAMBLED to close it as the wash was starting!  We laughed for an hour!

We have our own lives now, but that has never dampened our friendship.  We go back and forth to see each other.  She’s visiting as I’m blogging.  She is still quick to offer help, love and wisdom.  She is totally dedicated to her family and friends and is willing to commit to anything that needs doing.

I LOVE MY BIG SIS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEGATIVE LABELS vs POSITIVE LABELS

Are you Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or do you HAVE Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?  Do you wear a name tag that says, “Hello, my name is Multiple Personality Disorder but you can call me Schizo”?  What you’re doing is called NEGATIVE LABELING!  STOP THAT!  We don’t just hear with our ears, we hear with our hearts as well.  Believe me, our hearts hurt most when they hear what we say to OURSELVES!  Did you think about that?

So you forget to preheat the oven and the cake is still batter?  “I am such a stupid flapjacking idiot!” “Story of my life!”  Guess what?  It doesn’t have to be if you stop the NEGATIVE LABELING!  Knock a glass over and spill the milk and break the glass, (which only cost 10 cents anyway), you’re not an idiot, YOU’RE HUMAN!

So, what do you think other people’s hearts hear?  Especially a child or a mentally challenged person?   A good friend impulsively does a kindness and it backfires, and you BLOW UP!  “How could you do that?!  You idiot!  YOU RETARD!”  How do you think you made that person feel?  You called them a RETARD!  You negatively labeled them which burned their heart and made them negatively label themselves!  OUCH!

What would happen if we used POSITIVE LABELING?  First on ourselves, ok I forgot to preheat the oven, my heart is in the right place.  I happen to be pretty and funny and lovable!  Not to mention VERY INTELLIGENT!  ADHD, WHO CARES?  You sparkle!  Missing a limb?  Pfffft!  It doesn’t define you!  Weight issues, thank you for being the friend that you are. One of my best friends was mentally challenged.  Let’s work on the positive labeling and build each other up ok?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     In case we need to be reminded of what a label looks like.

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Who Are You Independent Of The Package?

Think about it.  Who are you that your nooks, crannies, badges of survival and bumps have nothing to do with?

I met with a friend that had just had a stroke that left her wheelchair dependent.  She was debating on whether or not to attend a family reunion.  I encouraged her to go.  Not everybody knew about the stroke and she was afraid their reactions.  I asked her, “Who are you independent to the wheelchair?”  She didn’t understand.  I asked, “Who is ‘Lady McBeautiful’ that the chair has nothing to do with?”  She was perplexed.   I got out of my wheelchair onto a couch and pushed my chair away a little.  I explained that I like to cook, eat, I love my family and friends.  I didn’t need a wheelchair to earn an academic letter in science in high school. or my amateur radio license.

I told her, “Yes, those that didn’t know will ask, especially children.  Answer honestly and be yourself.  After 5 minutes, everybody will realize that you’re still the same Lady McBeautiful you’ve always been!”  She had a great time at the reunion!

Independent of my package, I love people, animals, football, cooking, collecting owls, soaking nature.  That’s just the surface!  I’m working on things about my anchovies. The package had nothing to do with some of it.

Who are you independent of your package?

 

Perfectly Imperfect

Aren’t we all perfectly imperfect?  YES WE ARE! Isn’t that WONDERFUL?  How wonderful is it that we have our own quirks, our own habits, our own ways.  We are our own kind of beautiful.  How AWESOME is that!

An Aunt had a hip replaced.  It’s not working as she hoped. It’s not stopping her either!  She hunts, scuba dives, travels.  She is kind, generous and very loving.   Perfectly imperfect and I couldn’t love her more!

My elderly parents, hard of hearing, age-related health issues.  God couldn’t have gifted me with two better people to raise me, teach me, love me and show me how to love.  My PERFECTIONS are because of them.  I’m grateful for them, perfect imperfections and all.

The rest of my family, they’ll be happy to tell you that I’m the quirky one.  THEY’RE RIGHT!

My best friend, that’s a different drummer right there!  Her own brand of humor and sweetness.  If you need her, she will go through fire to get to you.  I’m grateful God gave her to us.

Being perfectly imperfect is fun and educational.  We learn to laugh WITH others AT ourselves.  We get to learn each others ways and stories.  It’s ok to have a 6 way conversation with yourself.  Privately of course!

Today, embrace perfect imperfection and HAVE FUN!