Grief Then Happiness

As most of you know, Mom passed away two months ago yesterday. That destroyed me. I couldn’t keep my feelings inward. I did manage to keep it together during the services until I saw friends I didn’t expect to see. I cried bittersweet tears. I’ve been able to get through it with the help of family, friends, and the compassionate and loving staff at the nursing home.

Then I met Arthur. He immediately turned on the charm, personality, and sense of humor. We are comfortable together and we get each other. He knows when to give me my space and respects it. He makes me laugh. When he was told that I couldn’t have all the chocolate that he wanted to give me, he gave me garlic powder. He got me through a recent depressive episode. God knew he needed to place Arthur in my life for that I’m grateful.

I’m doing ok today. I will still have my moments which is to be expected, but I know I’m going to be okay. I love you all.

Foundation

I decided to start The Randy Heishman Foundation For The Research And Treatment Of Mental Illness. Randy was a very special person to me. He dealt with mental illness courageously. It’s incredible how much mental illness is stigmatised. I deal with it, friends and loved ones deal with it as well. Something needs to be done and I’m doing it!

Check out, http://www.unicsnakes.wordpress.com

Wobbles

That’s what my counselor said to call the little innocuous waves of depression and anxiety we all get.

Naomi Judd’s sudden death shook me up severely. I had/have questions about faith and fate. This came just over a week after losing my beloved Lucy to cancer. I’m a Catholic. In the Catholic Church, they taught me that suicide is a mortal sin and the person who committed suicide is going straight to Hell. I did some research, in recent years the Church has backed off a little. It now says, if a person has committed suicide they must have some mental illness like severe depression or extreme pain that is so intense that the person, in their mind feels like there’s no way out. Therefore, the Church doesn’t hold them responsible. I’ve heard that suicide is a long-term solution to a short-term problem. (Maybe it wasn’t such a short-term problem to the person.)

When I read the Catholic Church changed their position on suicide, I felt a wave of relief. That feeling scares me. I will learn why. DON’T WORRY I WILL NOT COMMIT SUICIDE!

The only thing that the family said about her cause of death is she died of mental illness.

Again, if you have these feelings, please seek help. I am on your team. #TEAMADE

Life is a Multitude of Teaching and Learning Experiences

Are you a teacher or a student in the School of Life?  Would it surprise you to know that you’re both teacher and student simultaneously?  Have you found that you are your best and worst student?  Or teacher?  I have.  I have had very little confidence in myself.  Maybe because of all the times that I have been mentally and emotionally knocked down.  What did I do?  I got up, dusted myself off, and started teaching myself and learning again!  In this essay, I will discuss what I’ve taught myself and what I’ve learned.

I taught myself resourcefulness.  Obstacles and barriers are no longer a problem.  The paper towels are too high?  Unroll them with a spatula.  I use reach extenders.   I’ve learned that I can do anything.

I taught myself perseverance.  Want something bad enough? Go after it.  I needed to prove to myself that I could.  I attempted a walk-a-thon.  It was a beautiful April morning in San Antonio Texas.  The walk-a-thon supported Children’s Hospital.  There were no sidewalks. The road was falling apart.  The terrain was terrible.  These factors made it impossible to finish the walk-a-thon.  I think I completed about 2/3 of it. 

I built a website with the help of a couple of friends.  They calmly and patiently guided me through the ins and outs and nuances of website construction.  But, I did it!  I have snails as emotional support pets.  I deal with depression and anxiety.  I wanted to share the importance and roll of emotional support pets.  They keep me calm.  So, I built them a website, so people can learn and understand the joys of snail ownership.  I also wanted to take the stigma out of mental illness. www.keepcalmandsnailon.wordpress.com. 

So, are you a teacher or a student in the school of life, or both?

Grief, Sadness, Loss, Feelings and Emotions

I lost another dear friend today. In fact, I’ve lost several in the last six weeks. Every one of them have held a special place in my heart. Life-long friends, they knew me when, friends more recently met, they knew me now. I’ve never been good at handling grief just good at hiding it.

The feelings of loss and sadness can well and bubble up until your head and heart explode! The emotions are so overwhelming that you want to SCREAM! I get it. Over time you think you’ve prepared yourself and said goodbye several times. When the loss actually occurs you feel like you smacked your head against a concrete wall. Again, I get it.

There are various ways of handling grief. Unsafe ways are, drugs, alcohol, self-harm, doing something stupid. Safe ways to handle grief are, Remember the happier times you had with the person, stay busy, do something nice for someone. Write a letter to the person. Talk with a counselor or family and friends or clergy. Today I tried to keep quiet but everybody noticed something was wrong with me. I talked, cried and got a lot of hugs.

I admit, lately, it hasn’t been easy to hide my feelings and emotions. Fortunately, I have a great family and friends and a wonderful support system at the nursing home in both residents and staff.

Please, if you are dealing with grief, deal with it in a safe way, and talk to somebody. I’m here. Love you all.

What I’ve Been Up To

Here it all is. I learned about building websites by building one for my snails. I got them registered as emotional support pets. I may have done it wrong. I may have registered a fictitious dog of some unknown breed named Snails! Our occupational therapist left for a fresh start in Florida. I wrote her a song that she LOVED! I enrolled in college online. The name of the six week course is “Write My Life Story” . It will help me with my book. I enrolled in the PASRR program. It will help me with some bills and fun perks. I made day trips home. Friends and family have come to visit me. I’ve been involved in participating in and running various activities. Spending time with special people. Learning to stand and balance with a walker! Now another day has ended and I’m getting ready for bed. Good night and pleasant dreams.

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